Two shots down...

KATA TON DAIMONA EAYTOY

2011-09-14T06:51:00.000-07:00

It took me a gorgeous moonlit night, the slapstick humour of a couple of insane friends, the satisfaction of a day spent being consumed by alcohol and golf, and this magnificent structure to begin appreciating these words. If you haven't experienced everything this building stands for, you must make Khadakwasla your next trip. Somewhere between your time spent at the golf course, the peacock bay or the squadron dorms, you will walk up the staircase leading to this structure. And as you enter its gigantic lobby, you WILL be numbed and awestruck by what you see around you... larger than life paintings and stories of brave young men, for whom courage was way of life, and whose sacrifice I cannot capture in words. Young men, who will remain in every sense, "True to their own spirits".

To face yourself

2010-08-05T22:06:00.000-07:00

Lost in a sea of thoughts, every once in a while the occasional telephone call inspires you to rethink, to readjust your lens, to challenge the paradigm. And its stronger when the words of wisdom come from people just like you, working to find their own space and niche in the world.

This one liner I will remember - "If you want to learn how to fight, get into the boxing ring, No number of fights seen from the ring side would help"

I am still to come to terms with this reality.

The Grand Old Indian Police

2009-04-04T22:08:00.000-07:00

Its not for no reason that the refer to the Indian Police as "Khaakhi vardi wale gundee". After this incident, my first experience with bribery, I can fully understand why people are terrified of these goons in the uniform. I was in Lucknow with a friend from college. We had our IIM Lucknow interview the next day and a free evening to kill. I decided to take him to the famous "Tunday Kebab ki Dukaan" of Lucknow and we picked up my uncle's scooter. Both of us had our driver's license with us and were wearing helmets. While crossing through Hazrat Gunj, the prime market locality of Lucknow, a bunch of policemen stopped us. They initially thought that the scooter did not have a number plate, but upon realizing that it did, they asked for our driver's license. Both of us showed them our license and since we were wearing helmets too, I presumed that it would be a routine check and we would be on our way. Then suddenly this bloody jerk of a policeman his pathetic bihari hindi accent, which irritates me no end, asks me for the papers of the vehicle. I check in the scooter but there are no papers there. He then very nicely describes how we don't have insurance papers, non polluting vehicle papers and original scooter papers, and hence the 'chalaan' would be to the tune of 2500/-. At this juncture, by dear friend decides to throw around some attitude saying that his Dad is the so and so commissioner of agriculture of so and so place, a pretty useless piece of information if you ask me. He also blabbers out that we are students from IIT Kanpur and here for just a day for an interview, to which policeman realizes that these kids cant take chances and are an easy meat for the night. I try to reason with him a lot, even check to see if not having papers is a real offence, but to no avail. I finally get fed up and say "Bahut hua bhaiya, seedha seedha boliye kya chahiye aapko", to which he replies, "Dekhiye, humne to bol diya ki chalaan katega, baki aap bataiye aap kya kar sakte hain?". At this I take out a couple of hundred bucks and quietly hand it over to him. The man in the Khakhi uniform does not bat an eyelid before accepting it and quietly lets us off. We reach the 'Tunday Kebab ki Dukaan 'and have our kebabs.

I was angry for most part of the night. Simply because we weren't at fault. He had told me that I could go home and get the papers, only I needed to leave the vehicle and my driver's license with him, something I was not willing to do. I was helpless, it was not my vehicle and so I couldn't take any chances. My anger is as much against that man in the khakhi uniform as much it is against the system which allows him to thrive, of which I too became a part that day.

IIM Lucknow Interview

2009-04-04T21:39:00.000-07:00

Venue: IIM Lucknow
Date: 31st March, 2009

I arrive at the venue about 45 minutes in advance. Meet up with people from IITK who had interviewed in the morning. Also do some small talk with a few overseas candidates to be interviewed that day. My slot happened to be the last slot for IIM interviews this year. only 4 of the 9 or 10 people of my group had turned up. The initial process had a summary writing and a group discussion, both of which were fairly relaxed and easy. I was the third person to be interviewed, the panel comprising of an old professor (P) and a young lady professor (L).

P: (Pleasentaries exchanged) Please show me your CAT admit card and your interview call letter.
L: Hmm, your academic track record is very good, except for a small blip in your first year. What happened?
Me: Say something describing how my first year grades were low but have consistantly performed since then.
P: (Carries the discussion on for a while, centered around my grade sheet) Ok, so which elective course did you like the most?
Me: Fuzzy Logic (not the course that i liked the most, I just said it then for whatever reason).
P: Whats that?
Me: Give the textbook defination of what fuzzy sets are and where fuzzy logic can be applied.
P: Explain as if I were a laymen.
Me: Explain it talking a simple real life example and give some applications.
P: So, you must have got all the calls.
Me: Yes sir, all except IIM Shillong.
P: Which doesnt surprise me. They didnt wanna waste money and time interviewing someone they knew would neve join them. (Laughs).
Me: Laugh with them.
P: Ok, where have you been placed?
Me: XYZ company
P: Whats your role?
Me: Its an XYZ development program of 2.5 years. Rotations in the following functional roles etc etc.
P: So its either XYZ company or the IIMs. That means that Electrical Engineering is surely out. Why, didnt like it?
Me: Talk about what I had learnt in Electrical Engineering which would be applicable if I take up the job, especially the applied mathematics and probablity, which I had happened to enjoy. Talk about how if I pursue an MBA, it would only lead to a diversification of skill set, not a loss of an existing skill set, and thus would better equip me to succeed in my future endevours (Pretty standard answers if you ask me, the trick lies in how convincingly and differently you say it).
L: But still, maybe some part of you wanted Electrical Engineering right. So why an MBA now?
Me: Take the example of my internship, what I had learnt there which made me realise why a business appreciation of any problem is as important as the technical appreciation. Carry on these lines a bit till im convinced that she is convinced.
P: Ok, thats good. Do you have any questions for us?
Me: (A little taken a back). Well sir, having gone through so many interviews, I really would like to know what you look for in an MBA candidate?
P: (Smiles) Hmm, naa, some other question. Ask me something which would help you decide in favour of IIM Lucknow over the other IIMs.
Me: Well, what in both your opinions differentiates IIM Lucknow from the other IIMs?
P and L: Talk about various points.
P: Anything else.
Me: no sir.
P: thank you for coming Abhiraj.

End of all IIM interviews. This was by far the most relaxed interview I have given. They hardly asked me anything at all.

IIM Ahmedabad Interview

2009-03-15T06:54:00.001-07:00

Venue: Indian Institute of Foreign Trade, New Delhi

I arrive at the venue about 15 minutes before time. My panel comprises of two professors, one of Finance (with several years in rural planning) and the other of MIS (Call them P1 and P2 respectively). We were asked to write down an essay on the topic, "Is democracy the best form of government" in 10 minutes. I started with the cliched Abe Lincoln's definition of democracy, went on the describe its salient features and compare it with monarchies and dictatorial regimes and eventually end with India's example. Pretty good effort considering the short period of time given.

I am the third person to be interviewed. This is how it turned out -

P1: Good morning. Please take a seat.
Me: Good morning sir.
P1: So abhiraj, IIT Kanpur.
Me: Yes sir.
P1: hmm... Final year.
Me: Yes sir
P1: hmm... Electrical Engineering.
Me: (Smile) Yes sir
P1: hmm... placed ?
Me: Yes sir.. at XYZ Company.
P1: Ok, what is your exact role going to be there?
Me: I am joining their XYZ analyst development program. It will comprise of blah blah. Basically, this is the role...
P1: So what do the traders trade in? How do you come in blah blah
Me: Blah Blah (This discussion carries on for a while, P1 is not very convinced about my description of the role I have been offered and believes that it would include greater responsibilities than what I think, eventually we close the discussion with me agreeing that its possible I might have to do the things you mentioned too.)

P2: Hmm, your grades are quite weird. Sometimes they are stellar and at other times quite dismal.
Me: (Smile) Describe how I had not done too well in my first year but have greatly improved since. This discussion lasts another 2-3 minutes.
P2: So what is this digital signal processing.
Me: (ahh.. this is my chance, as mentioned in the IIM Indore interview experience too, I know signal processing like the back of my hand and enough to take on any IIM Professor) I describe what it is and where it is used, take simple examples to describe what fourier transforms are, what Discrete fourier transform is and how the fast fourier transform (FFT) is a good algorithm used for its implementation.
P2: Any applications?
Me: Describe my BTP with TVS Motor Company in detail. A few easy questions follow which I am able to answer.

P1: So, imagine this is the power grid of a state (Draws it for me). How is the power transferred.
Me: (gosh, lagg gayi) hmm., smile for a while, then give it some random shot. Essential parts of power are generation, transmission and distribution
P1: What is the voltage at which the power is generated?
Me: (gosh yaar, ye to simple hain.. yaad kyun nahi aa raha).. randomly say 220V or 440v.
P1: (Smile), isnt that the voltage of this room? Thats too less right, you generally see high voltage written in these generation units.
Me: yes sir, I am sorry, thats the distribution voltage.
P2: So whats the generation voltage?
Me: Well, it should be much higher, cannot recall it somehow. I know we use transformers in the transmission and distribution process, so generation ought to be much higher ofcourse.
P2: Whats the use of the transformer?
Me: To step down the voltage.
P2: So whats the voltage, should be much higher right?
Me: Yes, should be higher, cant be sure how much higher.

This is pathetic, the answer is generally 11Kv. This was bad, should have known it.
P2: (smiling profusely) Power is not a very interesting field for today's youth right? How long back did you study courses on power?
Me: (becoming defensive now) Sir, one course in the 4th and another in the 5 semester. Havent takne any power courses since.
P2: Thats not too long back. And after that you did not take any power courses because its a field without a future right (Smiles)
Me: No sir, it has a lot of future. I just found my interest in signal processing and probability (Hoping that he will get into probability, which IIM professors know very well. However, these two were too smart for that)

P1: So, you have mentioned your hobby has solving math puzzles (chooses to ignore the other 3, i.e. Reading, Playing Squash and travelling). Can you solve this question for me. Draws a chess board, I have bet some money with him which I lose, I have to calculate the money lost.
Me: ( Cant be so straight forward man) Hmm.. spend 2-3 minutes clarifying the question with him, realise it really is very straight forward, then solve it in 15 secs flat. He looks satisfied.

P1: So , what is special about today?
Me: Today is women's day.
P1: So what about the other 364 days?
Me: Talk about why the day is important, this that, women emancipation blah blah.
P1: Okay, your a member of the planning commission, how will you bring about this women emancipation.
Me: ( Realising that this could be the make or break question of this interview, I think and structure it through for a while), I will identify 3 major areas being education, health care which would include family planning and vocation. Started out by education, why women education is lacking especially in rural India, he gets involved. I mention relevant facts around rural infrastructure, how education isn't made fun enough, mid day meals, parents wanting children to work, simple things like lack of girls toilet in rural schools being a major reason for girls to drop out etc etc. Then I move on to health care, describe the importance of mother being healthy blah blah, how swasth kendras in villages can be improved, special kendras for women etc etc. Eventually I come to vocation, where I mention some simple schemes for handicrafts etc in villages where women can devote 4-5 hours everyday and earn decent money.

P1: Hmm. I am done.
P2: Me too. Thank you Abhiraj.

IIM Calcutta Interview

2009-03-14T03:00:00.000-07:00

Venue: International Management Institute, New Delhi

I arrived at the venue half an hour prior to reporting time. My group comprised of 5 people from IIT Kanpur, 10 in all. The topic of the discussion was "Ethics cannot be taught". I must have spoken about 3-4 times during the discussion. Overall my performance was decent, the discussion was also largely cordial.

The interview panel comprised of two professors (P1 and P2) and an alum (A). I was the 7th person to be interviewed with most interviews lastly about 15 minutes. Here is how my interview turned out -

P1: Hello Abhiraj, So how many calls do you have?

Me: Sir, 6.

P1: Which one did you miss out on?

Me: IIM Shillong

P1: Oh. Why?

Me: I dont know

P1: Comeon, you must have checked their criterion on the websites?

Me: No, I didnt. I remember a friend telling me that they needed a min of 80% in graduation, that being their only criterion.

P1: Oh. And you dont have 80%. Thats why you missed out.

Me: I do. My GPA is 8.4/10.0

P1: Oh, ok. Then why did you miss out. Ah, your 1st year GPA is less than 8. They need a score of above 80% in all the years of you graduation (He starts to smile).

Me: But how would they know that. We had only mentioned our cumulative GPA in the CAT application form.

P1: Hmm. Then why didnt they give you a call?

Me: (Smile) Like I said, I dont know.

P1: But are you interested in joining IIM Shillong?

Me: No Sir.

P1: What about IIM Calcutta. Are you interested in joining us?

Me: Yes

P1: Why?

Me: Well, several reasons. IIM Calcutta is the oldest amongst the IIMs and has a great reputation.

P1: XYZ college of management in Calcutta is older than IIMC. Why dont you join it?

Me: The second important reason is the great faculty the institute boasts of.

P1: Comeon, all IIMs have good faculty, thats why we have such good placements.

Me: Well, if you looking for what differentiates IIMC, I would say one is the fact that the institute is very strong in Finance. For example, it has recently setup a state of the art finance and trading laboratory, one of its kind in the country. IIMC also boasts of a very good student culture. While academics is given importance, students also participate in a lot of extracurricular activities. For eg: events like Intalgio are well known throughout the country.

A: Well, all Bschools have these festivals.

Me: The ones at IIMC are more famous than the others. These are the facts Ive been able to gather in my discussions with present students and alum of IIMC.

P1: So, will you surely join us?

Me: (Smile), that would depend upon how many calls I am able to convert.

P1: Comeon Abhiraj, your a smart kid. You'll convert all for sure.

Me: (Ya, right). Well, if I convert Ahmedabad, I would prefer it over Calcutta.

P1: Hmmm. Why?

Me: Ahmedabad has a strong entrepreneurship culture. That is an important point in my decision.

A: Why?

Me: Because I see myself as an entrepreneur 5 years down the line.

P1: How can you say that it has a strong entrepreneurship culture?

Me: Every year atleast 10-12 students of IIMA opt out of placements to start their own venture. Their center for entrepreneurship is considered to be the best in the country, with great incubator facilities. I was also greatly influenced by Rashmi Bansal's latest book, "Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish" which describes 25 successful entrepreneurial ventures by IIMA alumni. IIMC also has a fairly strong entrepreneurship culture, and boasts of its own strengths. But based on my understanding right now, I would choose IIMA.

P2: IIMA has a center for entrepreneurship (asking P1).

P1: Yes they do actually.

P2: Whats your department?

Me: Electrical Engineering

P2: Ok. What is an open circuit?

Me: (What?) Well, an electrical circuit with some part missing or not present.

P2: Are you an open circuit?

Me: (What, is he mocking me. Let me answer the question on face value.) No, my feet are touching the ground, so essentially I am a closed circuit for whatever small static current is flowing.

P2: Is there an open circuit in the room.

Me: I look around for a while.

P2: Look up.

Me: Ah. The fan. Yes, the switch is turned off. So there is some air in the switch, making the circuit open.

P2: What is the formula for resistance. Is there a maximum limit?

Me: I tell him the formula. Dont know the second answer.

P2: Is the resistance of that air infinity.

Me: No. But its very large. He asks me what is the maximum resistance again. I say that im sure we have identified that so and so material has the maximum resistance at these pressure and temperature conditions, but I am not aware of what that is. I am now completely unable to understand where he is going, if anywhere at all.

P2: What is this Ohms law.

Me: Mention the simple V=IR version.

P2: So, what are the constraints on this equation. What if R = infinity. Then Voltage should be infinity.

We haggle over it for a while, he tries to trip me off. I mention to him that the current in usual circumstances would be zero, for a constant voltage case, he again says what are the constraints, I eventually tell him that I dont know the constraints.

P2: What is Bernoulli equation based on. Can you explain the reverse swing concept.

Me: Yes, Bernoulli equation if I remember correctly is based on the principle of energy conservation, with the force acting on a body being equated to the pressure head, the gravity head and the velocity head. For the case of reverse swing, during the course of a match, a bowler makes one of the sides of the ball heavier than the other, I am not sure of the exact dynamics, but essentially the physics behind it is this that as a result, the force acting on one side becomes more and thus the ball swings.

P2: So this principle is for what type of bodies.

Me: Solids mostly (I am thinking of the applications)

P2: Solids??

Me: I am sorry, I meant it generally applies to solid bodies, like the reverse swinging ball or an aeroplane.

P2: My friend, Bernoulli did not write these equations keeping the applications in mind.

Me: (Whatever yaar, tumko bhi pata hain main kya bol raha hoon. Go on satisfy your ego), I smile and say, yes sir, the equation is for fluids, liquids and gases and applied to bodies in these fluids. I stand corrected.

P2: Hmmmm, ok.

A: So, you have talked so much about entrepreneurship. There must be some entrepreneur you admire. ( P2 gets up to go outside the room).

Me: Yes. Sergey Brin and Larry Page, the Google Guys.

A: What did the do differently?

Me: I kholofy on their emphasis on problem solving etc etc. The discussion was pretty similar to the IIMB discussion on google. He asks me what I think are the necessary conditions for a successful venture, I mention some, he adds and so on.

A: You know, you'll be well settled after IIMC, its tough to take the plunge.

Me: Yes, I understand. As time goes by, it only gets tougher and tougher, responsibilities increase, so does competition, you become more comfortable with your present job, your opportunity cost increases and so on. I think its about taking the plunge when all the factors we discussed seem to be in one's favour, which dont happen automatically and have to be worked towards. The sooner the plunge is taken, the better.

A: Have you done anything entrepreneurial. Doesn't have to be a venture, any initiative?

Me: Start talking about one of my initiatives in IIT. He gets involved for a while. Then in the middle, he says that will be ok.

A: Thanks for coming.

Me: Thank you sir.

I start walking, by mistake I pick up my application form.

P1: Arre, why are you picking that up (Laughs). You dont want to join us do you, thats why you are taking the form away as well.

Me: (Smile) Sorry sir, my bad. Thank you.

Very arbid interview overall.

IIM Indore Interview

2009-03-12T06:36:00.000-07:00

Center: Indian Social Institute, New Delhi

I arrive at the venue about half an hour in advance. There I meet up with a naval officer who was also interviewing with them the same day. He had fractured his leg last year,and no longer saw a bright future for himself in the navy, hence wanted to switch to the private sector. It was nice chatting with him and understanding the perspective of someone with over 10 years of frontline defence experience. I would love to share my MBA class with such people.

The group discussion was regarding a man who faces an ethically conflicting situation in his workplace. There were about 10 people in my group. Everyone was given 30 minutes to think and write down their views. We then had 20 minutes to discuss. The discussion was overall very fruitful, I think this was my best performance so far.

My interview panel comprised of 2 old professors (P1 and P2). I was the 3rd person to be called in.

P1: Good afternoon Abhiraj. Have a seat
Me: Good afternoon, thank you sir.
P1: So your a student of Electrical Engineering who is interested in Computer Science.
Me: (probably from list of my courses and electives, he concluded this fact) Well, I would say mathematics, probability and signal processing.
P1: Oh, okay. Well, have you heard this term Fourier Transform, what is it.
Me: (I know signal processing pretty much like the back of my hand, atleast enough to take on any IIM professor) Ofcourse ... take simple examples and explain to him what it is.
P1: Hmm.. Any real life applications.
Me: Yes, my Btech project with TVS Motor Company... I go on to describe the project to him in great detail and answer all his questions perfectly. People outside told me that of the two professors, the first is asking acads for 10 mins and the other is asking general stuff for 10 mins too. So I ensure that our discussion on my BTech project lasts around 10 minutes. With that P1 is satisfied and looks at P2.

P2: So, your dad is in the navy is it. What is the difference between the navy and the coast guard.
Me: Describe in depth the functioning of the two, the jurisdiction, who comes in at war time etc etc.
P2: Do you know how much a nautical mile is in Km?
Me: Cannot recall sir.
P2: Try something
Me: Seriously cannot recall sir, whats the point in guessing then.
P2: Ok. What is the equivalent of the coast guard to the army?
Me: BSF
P2: And Air force?
Me: None that i know of.
P2: Okay, you know this rank.. Captain in the navy, whats its equivalent in the army?
Me: Colonel
P2: And Air force?
Me: Group Captain
P2: Sure?
Me: (Smile) Absolutely sure sir.
P2: Okay, choose one of the 3 - politics, history or geography?
Me: Politics, since it will be more of a discussion as opposed to a q&a session.
P2: The two houses of the state?
Me: Told
P2: Center?
Me: Told
P2: how are members of the Rajya Sabha elected and for how long.
Me: Told most of it correctly.
P2: Consitution of India.. has some rights and duties or both or none?
Me: I guess both if I can recall correctly.
P2: has the Constitution gone through any amendments?
Me: Yes, several.
P2: How many?
Me: Dont know sir.
P2: Okay, Manmohan Singh.. which house does he belong to?
Me: Rajya Sabha
P2: Can somebody who is not a member of either house be elected the PM?
Me: Yes, but he will have to get himself elected or nominated to either of the houses in a stipulated period of time (6 months).
P2: Recently, this happened with a CM who lost the elections. Do you know who?
Me: Sir, its very recent, I had read it but cannot recall.
P2: ya, its very recent. never mind, no issues.
Me: Let me herald a guess .... and I fart bigtime.
P2: Hehehe.. never mind. (its Shibu Soren)
Me: Smile too
P2: Well done. Thank you.
Me: Thank you sir.

IIM Bangalore Interview

2009-03-12T05:56:00.001-07:00

Venue: India Habitat Center, New Delhi

My GD group comprised of 8 people, a mix of freshers and people with work experience. We were given a short case study regarding the admission policy of a group of law schools (similar to that of the IIMs) and were required to suggest improvements in the existing admission model. 20 minutes to discuss the case and 10 minutes to write a summary. Overall, the group's performance was about average, I think we missed out on a couple of important points. My own performance was decent, spoke valid points a few times, but could have done better.

Interview: I was the 7th person to be interviewed, so had to wait for a long time. The panel comprised of an alum and a professor who specialized in public policy and IPR. Lets call them A and P.

P: Good evening. Have a seat Abhiraj. Had to wait for a long while.
Me: Good evening sir. yes, a bit long.
A: So... hmm........ so your a literary guy huh!
Me: Yes, I enjoy debating &.... (was cut short)
P: No no, debating is not lits
Me: Well, I read a lot.
P: really, which were the last books you read?
Me: I am presently reading "The Google Story". Before this I read "Smell" by Radhika Jha and "Namesake" by Jhumpa Lahiri.
A: What do you like about Jhumpa Lahiri? How many books of hers have you read?
Me: Well, this is the only book of hers that Ive read.
A: Oh, only this.. gosh
Me: (Smiles) I liked her style and the fact that I could relate to the protagonist a lot.
P: So why did you pick up Radhika Jha?
Me: Found it lying around in the house (Smile).
P: Of just that huh!
Me: Yes, im not very choosy about what I read.
A: Ok, so why did the google guys succeed?
Me: Well, firstly both Lary Page and Sergey Brin were very passionate about problem solving. They both come from families where academics was given a lot of importance, their parents were computer scientists too...
A: (Cutting me short) sorry, thats not true.
Me: Ya, well, Sergey's Dad was a mathematician.
A: Yes, now your right.
Me: (Continuing) Yes, so basically problem solving was always their main aim. They never really stated out to create this massive business empire, it was just the problem at hand that needed to be solved. They saw most of the other search engines then to be..... I kept saying something on these lines when A cut me short again.
A: Ok Ok, See, is google the best search engine around?
Me: I dont know if there is a search engine with superior search technology or algorithm, but yes, Google is the most popular, has the largest market share and is almost impossible to topple.
P: I dont think google search is good.
Me: Well, in my experience google has always been on the button. I have almost always found what I was looking for in the first 5 search results.
P: Naa, you see, sometimes I look for a paper, give the author's name, I know the paper exists but I just cant find it.
Me: Well, Im not claiming that Google search is perfect. Im sure its not. But Google has always laid emphasis on improving their core competence, i.e. search technology. At a time when their competitors like Alta Vista and the likes were busy investing in marketing, Google focused on technology and continues to do so even today. More importantly, Google has diversified a lot, and hence has created a 'customer lockin' of sorts. For instance, I not just use Google search, I use Gmail, Orkut, Youtube, Picasaweb etc etc. Even if a search engine comes out tomorrow with superior search technology, my chances of switching are less since Im already 'locked in' to google.
A: Orkut was a big mistake on google's part right. Who uses it anyways.
Me: Well, its popular in India and Brazil.
P: I dont buy your logic. I have 6 email accounts. This lockin doesnt work for me.
Me: Sure, I know people who have 10. There are always exceptions.
A: Ok. Hmmm, 8.4 huh, that cant be very good, topper must be 9.7-9.8 right.
Me: Well, I am 14th in a Btech class of 64. I leave the judgement to you.
A: So why not an MS or Phd?
Me: Let me answer the first part of your question. The technical role that I would enjoy doing if i choose to take up a technical career is in product/application developement and marketing. I did similar work durig my summer internship at Cypress Semiconductor, and I think I have the skill set needed to do it successfully right away. An MS degree wouldnt add a great deal to this skill set, I rather would prefer to work for the two years in the industry and pick up more practical skills. As for a Phd, I think its a great investment, my own sister is pursuing one. I have a lot of respect for people who do a Phd, I am just not cut out for it. (After this I say some bull shit about how I feel im cut out for a management career).
P: So how is Cypress doing right now.
Me: Its doing ok, not great as a result of the ongoing recession.
P: Do you understand the semicondcutor industry?
Me: Yes, a little bit.
P: Ok. Is it hit and why?
Me: Not sure about the whole industry, but many companies I know of have bean hit. Its probably owing to the fact that demand has gone down and the manufacturing setups of these companies has taken a hit, like most other manufacturing businesses. For fabless companies, the manufacturing cost must have gone up, so they too are affected.
P: Your using terms here? Do you know what 'fabless' is?
Me: Ofcourse. Its a semiconductor company which doesnot fabricate their chips. They outsource the fabrication.
P: So what do they do?
Me: Design mainly. Ofcourse applications too.
P: Is India good for these design offices Abhiraj?
Me: Yes, it is. Thats because for most design roles, you require knowledge of Verilog or VHDL, which our engineers possess. Secondly, we are conversant in English. So we fit the outsourcing model better than other countries.
A: Whats this applications?
Me: Essentially, its developing specific customer products based around your chips. Well, any semicondcutor company would have the following major functional divisions - design, testing, fabrication, application and ofcourse sales and marketing. Back in the 70s and 80s, you could just sell chips and get away with it. But today the competition is so stiff, customers want you to give them readmade applications for their specific needs. So you try to develop complete customer solutions based around your chips. For example, during my internship ..........
P: Okay, how does Cypress protect its intellectual property.
Me: Well, one of the ways is through patenting. We patent a lot of our technologies. Ofcourse, we also use crude measures like printing the circuit as far as possible, physically removing names etc from chips and so on so that people cannot copy our designs.
We carry this discussion for a while longer. P and I have a one on one for sometime, some point we kept discussing on, P tries to question me on something which I answer and say that sir thats what I was saying earlier, and he says 'No you werent'. I give it up then.

A: Which was the last movie you saw Abhiraj?
Me: Rounders.
A: Rounders?
Me: Yes, its a Matt Damon film.
A: Oh, thats a damn old film.
Me: Hmm.. i think 2001-2002 (actually its 1998).
A: Okay, have you seen Ghajini.
Me. Yes.
A: Do an analysis of Ghajini for me. Dont repeat the story.
Me: (Again the standard 15 sec thinking look)... Well, Overall it was a nice movie. I think where Ghajini failed was that it didnot invest enough in making the audience understand exactly what Aamir Khan was going through while suffering from short term memory loss. We were suppose to accept prima facie that he suffers from this memory loss and every 5 minutes his alarm bell would ring. Ghajini is inspired from a Hollywood movie, I cannot recall the name..
A: Memento.
Me: Yes, thank you. Memento approached this in a very different way. The movie doesnot follow a fixed time sequence, so essentially, what actually happened towards the end in the real story is shown in the beginning, the middle is shown in the end and the start in the middle and so on. The same scenes are also shown multiple times. In short the movie's timing is very random and this gives the audience some sort of a short term memory loss, it sort of mimics what the protagonist is going through. So one is better able to relate to the film. This is what ghajini could not achieve. Apart from that, I really enjoyed Aamir Khan powerful acting, especially towards the end. I think this was his best performance.
A: Good. Good. (looking at P)..
P" Good. Thanks for coming Abhiraj
Me: Thank you sir.

IIM Kozhikode Interview

2009-03-10T05:06:00.000-07:00

I have been through 4 interviews till now. 2 more to go. I shall keep adding to this post as time goes. Let me begin with my first interview, for IIM Kozhikode, which was held in the International Management Institute in New Delhi on the 17th of Feb, 2008.

My GD group comprised of about 10 people, most of whom were very religiously reading the Economic Times when I entered, trying to understand the interim budget released a day back. The GD began a little while later. The topic was a small paragraph on Kerela and its comparison with the west vis a vis the GDP per capita, birth rate, death rate etc. The professor must have just said "start" when one of the guys began like a bazooka, and two others followed suit soon after. One of the guys concluded that Sharad Pawar was Bihar's chief minister. Ofcourse, the interim budget, Barack Obama etc were discussed too, owing to their deep relevance to the topic. At all points of time, there were atleast 3 people speaking together. I came in about 3-4 times, thankfully got the group's attention, put forth my views and sat back to enjoy the show. Overall, the discussion was pretty lame and pathetic and I was surprised at how stupid some of the potential candidates of a top institution like IIMK were. Anyways.

The interview began. I was the second guy to be interviewed. There were two panelists (P1 and P2 for convenience), both professors of IIMK and quite old.

P1: Come in Abhiraj. Have a seat.
Me: Thank you sir.
P1: So you study at IIT Kanpur. hmmm... why have you filled the work experience column when you are a fresher.
Me: Sir, it said please fill in any professional experience you have except for training which is compulsory for your curriculum. My internships were not compulsory and I think they are an important part of my profile, hence I filled them in.

We haggle over it for a little longer. In none of the other forms did I fill in this column, so I shouldn't have in this one either. Anyway, he finally understands that these were internships (which I had mentioned) and after 3-4 minutes we move on.

P1: So why dont you begin by introducing yourself?
Me: Blah Blah (This that.... see im a big stud)
P1: So why do you wanna do an MBA?
Me: usual bull.
P1: What is the difference between a manager and a leader? I mean leader in the business sense.
Me: Manager has a set of things to manage, an operation, a group of people, a fund etc. For instance, during my internship, my manager had the following responsibilities blah blah. A leader is someone who has vision, belief, can take initiatives and see them through blah blah. You could be the junior most in your team, yet take initiatives and drive the team in a new direction - thats leadership.
P1: So which business leader do you like the most in the present times?
Me: Ratan Tata. I talk about the Tata's philosophy and business ethic and how its different from say that of Reliance. P2 has been pretty drowsy so far suddenly gets interested and comes in.
P2: Hmm. What do you know of Ratan Tata?
Me: Talk about how he began his career, his initiatives with Tata Motors, like the Indica, the Nano, acquisition of Land Rover and Jaguar, and other acquisitions like Corus . Discussions goes on for a while.
P2: So do you think your an ethical person?
Me: I have a certain code which I have developed over the years. I was raised in a certain manner and my upbringing has stressed on honesty and integrity. I try to follow this as much as possible. Everyone has their own views, I find greater agreement with the Tata philosophy, to each his own.
P1 probably bored of the abstract crap comes in.
P1: So what is this academic excellence award?
Me: Its given to the top 7% students of a batch at IIT Kanpur every year. Here, see the certificate (feling good about myself).
P1: So have you heard the term cost leadership?
Me: No sir.
P1: Try and guess from the name?
Me: Well, it could be about company CEOs who try to operate their company with profits and cost cuts in mind. I couldnt be sure, its just a guess.
P2: Ok. What in your opinion is the difference between 'belief' and 'faith'.
Me: Hmm (Ye kaha se aaya). I give him my standard 15-20 sec thinking look (after a series of interviews, you develop a style of pacing the answers, trying to look smart and show that your thinking). Well, perhaps 'faith' is more natural, comes from within while 'belief' is based on a rationale. For instance, people have faith in God, while I believe that the Relaince Power share will do badly in the next 5 years due to XXX reasons.
P2: So you think faith is intrinsic while belief is more logical.
Me: Well ... sort of yes. If at all there is a difference in the usage, this point should be kept in mind.
P2: Ok. What is the difference between Karate and Kung Fu (I practised karate for eight years)?
Me: Karate literally means "Empty hands", so no weapons. In Kung fu weapons are allowed.
P2: You want some tea.
Me: No sir.
P2: In todays' GD, someone used the term HDI, do you know what it is or how its calculated.
Me: Neither sir.
P2: You spoke about Kerela having a socialist government and hence their education is better. Explain.
Me: Well, traditionally, socialism has always paid more importance to education, jobs for all and emancipation of all classes and sexes. So this is applicable to Kerela too, which has a very high literacy rate.
P2: What about other states which have socialist governments, like West Bengal or Tripura?
Me: West Bengal has a literacy rate above the national average, although I cant remember it, its not in the 90s. This could be because its a large state and largely rural. Tripura has a very good literacy rate just like kerela too.
P2: Ok, what do you suppose is the main occupation of people in Kerela?
Me: I would assume it to be agriculture. Fishing should also be a mainstay.
P2: Ok, I am done.
P1: Thanks for coming Abhiraj.
Me: Thank you sir.

2007-07-18T02:55:00.001-07:00

"Be the change you want to see in the world".We all know it, but the enormity of the reality doesnt hit us because we dont see it in front of us.To think, 10000 children die everyday in our country of absolutely curable diseases.Imagine, in the next ten days more kids will die in India than the death roll in Hiroshima and Nagasaki.We are talking about more deaths than in any tsunami, earthquake, famine or war.10000 children every single day.Forget the millions who go to bed every night, hungry, hopeless and frustrated.Imagine the lives of those parents, who can do nothing, who want to educate their kids, give them healthcare but cant because their whole life revolves around getting bread for the next meal.These kids arent poor because they didnt work hard, they are this way because they were born this way, for no fault of theirs.2 million babies die in India before their first birthday.We have to get them to live, give them medication, then get them educated, and hopefully one day turn them into good citizens.The very least we can do is ensure that each child has a decent shot at life, that he/she grows up with the hope of one day living his/her dreams.Its their right, and its tough, but possible.The longest human journeys begin with the first step.Take that first step, be the change you want to see in the world.A starting point could be this.

Found this in some corner of the world wide web

2007-02-01T07:47:00.000-08:00

Can my life get better?
Or is it gonna stay?
Can I start again?
Or will it go away?
Can I ask you something?
Why did God choose me?
Can I take I back?
Or will it always be?
Can I find my mummy?
But why?d she leave me here?
Can I stop this hurting?
Wholl wipe away my tear?
Can you make me happy?
Then why am I so sad?
Can you tell me exactly why?
Why were you so mad?
Can you take my life?C
ause I dont want to live
Can you tell me why you left?
I have my life to give
Can you tell my daddy
That it?ll be ok,
Ill be waiting for him
And Ill see him soon.. one day
Cant somebody hear me,
Promise you wont cry?
Cause it was my decision
It was my choice to die
Can you promise something?
Please smile when I go
I shouldve told my love my heart
I guess hell never know
Can you understand me?
Im sorry but its true
I couldnt handle all the shit
That I was going through
My spirit inside, was captured
But Ive just set it free
Tell everyone Im sorry
But if you would only see
Abuse is really painful
I couldnt take the pain
Dont forget Ill wait right here
To see you once again
I love you for your friendship
Promise not to cry,
Ill see you in another life
I love you?..and goodbye

2006-12-14T18:30:00.000-08:00

Ian Thorpe retired from swimming a few days back at the age of 24, with so much more gas left in the tank.At the press conference held after the announcement he said,"you can swim lap after lap, staring at a black line, and all of a sudden you look up and see what's around." To the world it might have been a blade of stupidity from someone who once ruled the world of swimming, and will always be considered an athelete who was second to none, but to me it wasn't so.

The last month and a half have really been a roller coaster ride.It all started around Antaragni or so, the cult fest of IITK , when i began to feel that the fever i was suffering from was more than just a dose off.But i had many commitments to keep up, so despite being 101 degrees down the whole time, i still went ahead to compere at Rithambhara(the fashion parade), the professional nite and took part in the english debate.It was all fun n frolic, we won the debate pants down, Rithambhara was great and a lot of people appreciated my efforts, came on Mtv etc etc.All seemed perfect.Then the downhill started.A week after, i was diagnosed with typhoid, stage 2.To some extent my negligence of just considering the fever a minor viral infection and surviving by paracetamols, and to some the sheer lack of medical ethics of the doctors at the health centre here meant that the disease had been allowed to reach the second stage.I had to finally take things in my own hands and move to my grandmother's place, who being a doctor herself now began looking after me.The worst fear was that i wouldnt get the time to prepare for my endsemester exams, and as is with the system here, its as reckless and unforgiving as it can be, one slip and your out.At one point i felt that all my efforts of the semester were in vain, but somehow i kept telling myself that all would be fine.The next big hurdle was convincing the stupid faculty here that i actually was unwell, which was pathetic to the core, and the process took ages.My dad had to come down and speak to the authorities here and they finally agreed to allow me makeups of a couple of the endsems.All this while i was moved between home and hostel, giving stupid quizzes, trying to study despite the fact that my body didnt allow me so, all the while because i knew that the stupid maggus of the godforsaken place are mugging away to glory, and if i want to match up, i have to do the same, no matter what my condition.But i really never quite managed much in those days.Not seeing life under my control and things just not falling into palce was perhaps what made me the most uncomfortable.I swore that for the larger good of people here(being a senator and the health centre student's rep) i would raise all these issues in upcoming meetings, but as things would have it, the meetings fell before my makeups .Anyways, all finally ended great and i cracked every single exam like never before.To me, it was a big relief and a very satisfying end to a time i really will remember for a long while.Perhaps the best that has come out of this is that ive learnt that its a real dog eat the dog world, and nobody cares, if you want things to happen your way, you have to push for them.But then sometimes i wonder whether all this is really worth it.Whether id really look back at these times 30-40 years down the line and smile.Whether a system which makes you more tougher and less a human is good.And then perhaps i say to myself to just let go and keep doing what im suppose to do.I mean that is the only way i know ive achieved whatever little success i have,and failed whenever i havent, so no point in trying new stunts.Atleast not yet.

These vacations are really nice so far though.A little bit of work, a little bit of rest, movies, food, sleep.Project is moving slowly, still trying to code up the thinning algorithm, but im sure we'll be done with the work in 7 days.Somehow i hate coding, so will never find this my forte.I would find image processing a lot more stimulating, maybe bacuase i can apply all the filter theory ive read the last sem, and learn a lot more, but Prof Venky believes we must first get this doen to gain "experience".Whatever the doc orders i guess.Been in touch with some old friends recently, and as always it feels great.

Paradox of Education

2006-07-11T04:58:00.000-07:00

The paradox of education, a forceful thought that ive been wondering about this entire summer, listening ever so blissfully to "we don't need no ezukation", 'Another brick in the wall' by Pink Floyd.And the paradox exists no doubt.Its been about a year since i found myself for the first time at IITK, the Mecca of Engineering, the place which echoes with the charms of "learningful serenity".

To amplify the term, lets take a logical tool, an analytical knife and cleave the two words-'learningful' and 'serenity'. Let us take learning first. It brings back memories of being a truant schoolboy who was inquisitive and keen to learn but hated the classroom learning.Later in life I realized that I hated going to school because I hated the way I was forced to learn; I hated 'structured learning'. My mother told me it was the best way. But isn't 'the best way' a matter of dogma? When I was three I was taught that the Sun rises in the East.Five years later, the same school teacher corrected it to "the Sun does not rise or set, it is stationary.The Earth revolves around the sun and the rotation of the Earth on it axis causes days and nights. The rising and setting of the sun is an illusion". A few years later, the Earth became flat at the poles and bulged at the equator; the optical illusion of day and night became erratic at the poles and the stationary position of the sun became 'only relatively stationary'. So much so that the age old parable of 'time and tide waits for no man' may stand corrected if the theory of relativity is proven to be correct one day! So how was anything taught to me in this structured method correct? And how is this 'the best way'? A dogma! Those who still advocate this method of instruction argue that our power of comprehension is limited at various stages in our lives; we cannot understand certain things before a certain age. I wonder how many of them have ever argued the truth, if there is any, in this myth.

Lets look at our method of teaching up to university(post graduation) level. You teach and you teach and you teach with no time for discovery, no time for contemplation, no time for participation in outside affairs. The emphasis is on individual skill and memorizing capability. Just teach and teach and teach until the mind grows dull and your creativity vanishes and you become an automaton saying the same dull thing over and over to endless waves of innocent students who cannot understand why learning is so dull, lose respect and fan out this disrespect into the community.Here the IIT system may be appreciated, and might be an exception, but the common university education in India today needs an immediate revision. The reason you teach and you teach and you teach is that this is a very clever way of running an institution on the cheap while giving a false appearance of genuine education.
A two year old is made to memorize nursery rhymes of which he/ she understands nothing at all (most often, it remains so even at the termination of his/her formal education), a seven year old is expected to rattle out multiplication tables of numbers up to twelve, a fifteen year old is ordained to know axioms of trigonometry and at twenty five you have a young worker only capable of saying "Yes sir, yes sir, threebags full sir". Our colonial masters wanted cheap labour to keep their office records and accounts updated. So their system of education for India, which was perhaps a result of FPODCC, laid emphasis on English language and mathematical ability. Leverage this with a mind that has been preconditioned to obey orders without questioning and you have a robotic worker ready, who is intelligent enough to follow what you speak but can never reason why you say so.Almost sixty years since, kids today still go through the same system of automation. The rigmarole is the same, except that the tests for memory are revised every five years and the bar raised a notch higher each time. Today, a student of grade two in India can look at the analytical clock and tell you the correct time. Ten years ago it was taught in grade three and perhaps my peers learnt it when they were ten. A lot of people say it is a sign of minds getting sharper. I would completely disagree. The speed of a microprocessor doubles every eighteen months. Does that mean the successor is twice as intelligent as its predecessor? No, it's only twice as fast in carrying out your command, and that too only a logical command which the dumb machine can follow. What's appalling is the fact that the grade two student goes through life and never discovers the pattern of motion in the clock. Do this little test on yourself. Assume that it is the year 2121 and you are on planet Rationality. On this planet, one day has thirty-six hours instead of twenty-four. The clock on this planet has a nine-hour cycle instead of twelve-hour cycle that we follow today. The minute and second hands move in a clockwise direction but the hour hand moves in an anti-clockwise direction. How many times in a day will the hour and minute hands coincide? The answer is forty, but how many of us could apply our structured knowledge to answer this simple, rational, logical question? The reason why we don't think along these lines is because our emphasis is not on functionality but on mere application of a function. Have you ever wondered how everything in this universe can be described by twenty six written characters you have been using since pre-school?

We now have an intellectual impasse. Our reason, which was suppose to make things more intelligible, is making them less intelligible, and when reason thus defeats its own purpose something has to be changed in the structure of our reason itself.Human understanding, according to Robert Pirsig is divided in two parts-the classic approach and the romantic approach. The romantic mode is primarily inspirational, imaginative, creative and intuitive.Feelings rather than facts dominate. Call it the humanitarian mode. Classic mode, by contrast, proceeds by reason and laws. This style is straightforward, unadorned, unemotional, economical and carefully chosen. Its purpose is not to inspire emotionally, but to bring order out of chaos and make the unknown known. Call it the scientific approach.I wish to integrate the two approaches into a continuum of art and science. Two plus two is four.This is the scientific approach. But what is 'two'? A symbol that denotes a number which signifies a fixed quantity. You are conditioned to imagine the number 2.And four becomes 4. But 'two' and 'four' are somebody's imagination too! So what has 'imagination' got to do with science? All science begins with imagination. It is creative, intuitive and as much inspired as Picasso or Van Gough's body of work. The benzene ring, which is the root of organic chemistry, was discovered in a state of slumber. A scientist working on the structure of C6H6 dreamt of a snake eating its tail. And it gave birth to a new branch of chemistry. Was it not imagination at work?

Structured learning puts learning in a hierarchy and science is put at the peak of this hierarchy. But the very foundation of Science lies in Humanities. That is the paradox I wish to bring out. This 'structure' is the source of trouble. Person's tend to think and feel exclusively in one mode, romantic or classic and in doing so they tend to misunderstand and underestimate what the other mode is all about. But no one is willing to give up the truth as he sees it and no one has any real reconciliation of the truths.The result is a wide chasm between the 'techno-savvy' culture and the 'anti-technology' counterculture. The former is a hyped up, couldn't-care-less, I'm-the-most-important-person, super-modern, ego style of life that thinks it owns this country by being hi-tech. What they forget is that technology is for their convenience and not the other way round. You own a mobile phone for your convenience. Just because it rings, you don't have to necessarily answer it everytime! Those who run away from technology see it as something inhuman, mechanical, lifeless, a blindmonster and a death force; something hideous they are running from but cannot escape. This is the biggest vermin gnawing the very existence of society, making it hollow every passing moment. What they don't realize is that the schoolbook pictures of primitive man omit the detractions of primitive life-the pain, the disease, famine, and hard labour needed just to stay alive. The primitive tribes had far lesser individual freedom than does modern society. The transformation from the agony of bare existence to modern life can be soberly described only as upward progress, and the sole agent for this progress is technology. Is that not aparadox of reason? Technology is not scary, but what it does to human relation is scary. Four members of a family sit for hours together everyday without speaking a word to each other. No exchange of ideas, no sharing of experiences each one has had in the day, no pleasantries exchanged with each other because they are engrossed in the daily soap serials. Kahani ghar ghar ki? Dinner is a ritual performed in front of the idiot box, preferably in the commercial breaks. What is left of the evening is consumed by important phonecalls; net calls; mobile calls ...Are we not as faraway from each other as technology is taking us? And should you not throw the television out of the window to restore sanity in family life?

The solution doesn't come from where you look; it comes from what you look at. It comes from learning the true meaning of the terms 'quality education', 'quality of life' and the realization that 'thou art the author of thy pain'. Einstein had said: "Man tries to make for himself in the fashion that suits him best a simplified and intelligible picture of the world. He then tries to some extent to substitute this cosmos of his for the world of experience, and thus to overcome it ...He makes this cosmos and its construction the pivot of his emotional life in order to find in this way the peace and serenity which he cannot find in the narrow whirlpool of personal experience ...The supreme task...is to arrive at those elementary laws from which the cosmos can be built up by pure deduction. There is no logical path to these laws; only intuition, resting on sympathetic understanding of experience, can reach them..." And so you create 'serenity'-your serenity.Does it not mean "tat twam asi" or "thou art that"?This could well be the terra incognita separating monism from duality.
To get back to a method to tackle banality of wasted hours in schools and colleges, I may only have a 'satisfying' solution. Human learning is through experience: a process of hit and trial. This is the 'university of adversity' approach. One learns as one goes through life, by reflecting upon personal successes and failures. Our present system, as I said earlier, focuses on personal skills and individual learning. What we need in life there after are team work and group dynamics or skills to achieve group goals.We don't live in isolation; neither do we work in isolation. Nowhere in the 'structured' or formal education have we ever formed a team, with the sole exception of a B-school. If you still advocate the present form of education, then there is no argument; no one can solve problems for someone who does not want his problems solved.Look at the unconventional methods that are being adopted in countries like Denmark. There are no books till high school. No homework, no burden of parents' expectations, no killer examinations. In fact, there are no classrooms. Each day, the students are taken to a room that has a model- from that of the universe and the planetary system to that of the human body, the number system, automobile making, and even musical instruments. The children learn through discovery and the school discovers the child's field of interest.Children with similar interests form a group at highschool. Peer learning expedites the process of learning and the result is a better-informed professionals at the end of this 'informally' formal system of education. The rationale is simple. The process is simple. The structure is missing but the result is a superior end product.Three years from now, a new wave is bound to emerge from the ocean of technology and submerge the planet.It is called Nanotechnology. What fascinates me is not the application it has, but the concept it works on.The process of building structures, especially smaller structures was so far bounded by limitations of cutting instruments. To elucidate, you can cut a piece of cake only up to a point you can hold it and put it under a knife. This is called the top-down approach.In nanotechnology, this limitation is overcome by a bottom-up approach. You place one atom beside another atom and create a structure to meet your requirement;you customize matter! This is a result of defying the structural approach.In life too, we have two approaches - the 'Build' or bottom-up approach, and a 'Repair' or top-down approach. In the former, you create a vision, a goal,or a destination for yourself. It is like climbing a mountain. You then set proximate or short-term goals and a realistic time frame to achieve these goals. The latter is like deductive reasoning. It helps in solving problems. Take the case of the Challenger space shuttle. You look at the entire shuttle, break it up into its component systems and further into sub-systems and arrive at the fault that needs to be repaired. If education can give us the wisdom to distinguish between what needs to be built and what needs to be repaired, there shall be no paradoxes anymore.The paradox of education shall remain solved.

The Guy in the Glass

2006-07-07T00:11:00.000-07:00

by Dale Wimbrow

When you get what you want in your struggle for self,
And the world makes you King for a day,
Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,
And see what that guy has to say.

For it isn't your Father, or Mother, or Wife,
Who judgement upon you must pass.
The feller whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the guy staring back from the glass.

He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest,
For he's with you clear up to the end,
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the guy in the glass is your friend.

You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum,
And think you're a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum
If you can't look him straight in the eye.

You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears
If you've cheated the guy in the glass.

If
by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

Two poems which have inspired me lots.
No matter what anyone says.. im convinced in the theory of each man to himself.
Though i have close friends and love my family.. deep inside i know that i must never expel it all
never give in too little.. and never too much to anyone

You Can

2006-05-13T03:31:00.000-07:00

by yours truly

When you've fallen ,
When you've fallen,

When the whole world points fingers,
When even fools have their laughs,

When you know its tough to walk one more step,
or say one more word,
or look at the mirror one more time,
When people you love doubt you,
When those who called you king spit on you,

When you want to say a thousand words to a close friend, but cant,
When you just want to forget and get high,

When you want to quit it all and say goodbye,
Or when even the fight seems pointless,
But you keep fighting without knowing why.

When you've fallen,
When you've fallen,

you want to rise and shout and speak and cry,
and live and die and love and shy,
and beat and kill and hurt and fall,
and howl and shout and howl and shout,

But you dont say a word
because deep down you know your king
and kings dont share thier griefs

Kings dont share their griefs
Kings dont share their griefs
they drink their pains
and take it to their graves
great men do cry, but cry alone.
When you know your king and so you keep shut
When you know your king and so you keep shut
And keep fighting
keep fighting
keep figthing

then your doing okay
And then you can.